Any Government In Power – A.G.I.P.

“Loyalty to country always.
Loyalty to government,
only when it deserves it.”
– Mark Twain

What do we get today?
The very reverse.

With charlatans and the wicked that we have today as politicians all we have are people loyal to “Any Government In Power – AGIP”.

They sell and shift their loyalty as if it is a commodity at the expense of the country, the people and interest.

What ever happened to democracy as we knew it?
Government of the people, for the people and by the people!

Today it is government of a few, for a few by the few!

They loot, they steal and amass billions of common wealth to sustain themselves in government and when they leave government eventually use this stupendous wealth through god-fatherism to install their cronies!

It doesn’t matter who is in power or how they got power as long as their interest are served they pledge loyalty and attempt to retain them for as long as possible.

Typical examples are the group that attempted to retain President Yaradua of Nigeria as President a few years ago despite the fact that the man was terminally ill and too weak to continue.

Another scenario is playing out again in Nigeria with another AGIP group attempting to retain another sick man (Governor Suntai)  in government in Taraba State despite his health dictating otherwise.

For how long this will continue?
It will continue for as long as the people rise up and say no to this corrupt and wicked people who are also well known.

A people are as good as the government they get!

As Bob Marley sang let’s chase this crazy bald heads out of the town; and the earlier the better because time is running out.

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Nigerians have amnesia! Serious Amnesia.

Deep-seated amnesia: this is the crisis we have. 

Politicians forget. 

Journalists forget. 

Government officials forget. 

Historians forget. 

The people forget.

The way I see it, if you have no memory, you are like a child. 

You can laugh at anything when nothing is funny, and you can ignore everything no matter how injurious it really is. 

Your expectations—that is, the future–are low, and your abilities to make critical connections are deliciously diminished, like a lunatic smiling to himself on the side of the road. 

The world may look at you and describe you as the happiest man on earth. – Sonala Olumense (Sahara Reporters).

I posted this on my FB wall on June 26 2011, I was going through stuff and found it.

NOTHING has changed and it doesn’t look like anything is about to change.

Who will bail the cat?

Only time will tell.

How to become an overnight billionaire in Nigeria.

Take your time and read this piece. The most ingenious thing I have read about how overnight billionaires are being made daily in Nigeria.

A sad and interesting piece by a witty mind.

Despite what we all know, Nigerians have very short memories, people hardly pay for their sins only if you are with the wrong party! So the saga continues.

Femi Aribisala wrote this in Vanguard Newspaper of 03/09/13.

With only some 50 years of independent national existence, Nigeria is a country reeking with “new money.”

The overwhelming proportion of the millionaires and billionaires in the country are “nouveau-riche;” they became rich literally “overnight.” 

We are talking of people whose wealth does not go beyond a generation.

Indeed, the fantastic wealth of Nigerian billionaires like Femi Otedola scarcely goes beyond ten/fifteen years.  

Not only does Nigeria’s wealthy few have a short history, they often have a short future as well.  The money comes “miraculously” and goes just as “miraculously.”

In my youth, S.B. Bakare was the celebrated Nigerian tycoon.  Highlife stars and juju musicians eulogised him in their records.  But ask a young Nigerian today who S.B. Bakare is, and I can bet my bottom dollar he has never heard of him.S.B. has fallen off the radar and so has his wealth.  It is not identifiable by any major industry or enterprise.  His descendants may still be in litigation over the dregs of his estate, but undoubtedly it is nothing to write home about again.  Certainly, nobody is singing about S.B. Bakare today. 

There are now new pretenders to his throne.

Time was when wealthy Nigerians built something, developed something, or made something. 

At that time, the rich were truly captains of industry. 

Alhaji Sanusi Dantata made his fortune in the era of the groundnut pyramids in the North; buying and shipping them for export.

Sir Odumegwu Ojukwu had Nigeria’s largest fleet of inter-city “mammy-wagons.”  He also imported “panla” (dried fish) on a large scale. 

Sir Mobolaji Bank-Anthony had a tanker fleet and a pioneering charter airline.  Emmanuel Akwiwu, hauled oil-rigs and supplies for British Petroleum. 

Chief Timothy Adeola Odutola produced bicycle tires for the growing army of Nigerian bike-riders.

But thanks to oil, much of Nigerian wealth is no longer the product of such ventures. 

Yes, we have billionaires like Ibrahim Dasuki and Mike Adenuga who can still be rightfully described as highly enterprising. 
But even more significantly, we have tycoons who came into wealth through “wuru-wuru” and “mago-mago.” 

These men are hardly Nigeria’s Bill Gates.On the contrary, they don’t have a clue what to do with their dubious wealth, and they are ignorant about wealth-creation. 

As such, they add little of value to the Nigerian project.  Their praises may be sung today by their horde of parasitical hangers-on, but they will not be remembered for good when they are gone. 

As mysteriously as their wealth materialised, so will it vanish.
These men became rich through some of the following tried and tested methods, which can be relied upon to lead to one’s inclusion in the Nigerian Book of Irrelevant Rich Men. 

If you want to get rich quick, here is the Nigerian blueprint.  But please, don’t tell anyone I “wiki-leaked” this highly-classified national secret to you.

Rob a bank.

This strategy has gone through some transition.  Bank-robbers used to be men of the underworld who held banks hostage at gunpoint and then made off with the cash.  However, it was soon recognised that this approach has distinct disadvantages.  You might get arrested and jailed.  Even worse, you might get shot.  It also became apparent that banks carry limited amounts of cash.
Therefore, a successful bank robbery of this violent kind might only land you perhaps 50 million naira tops, which is not even enough to buy or build a house in Banana Island. 
There is a better way to rob a bank with far limited risk. 
Simply establish a bank.
When you establish a bank, you can rob the bank every day without a gun.  When people deposit money in your bank, they don’t know that they are handing over their life-savings to a thief. 
You then rob the bank you establish in a number of imaginative ways.
For example, you can lend money to your bank and then charge it a very high interest-rate. 
Better still, you can borrow billions from your bank and simply forget to pay it back.  Or, you can use the money deposited in your bank to buy houses and then rent them out as branches to your bank at exorbitant prices.
This approach is guaranteed to make you a few billion naira until the EFCC policemen come calling. 
When they do, you can quickly fall sick, spend a few months in Deluxe Hospital Hotel and then relocate to your village to enjoy your wealth, never to be heard of again.

Join the PDP.

This one is a sure banker. 
As a member of the greatest party in the history of Africa, you will be given a credit-card to spend Nigeria’s oil wealth. 
If you are not getting enough attention in the party, make a lot of noise. 
Abuse Tinubu on the pages of the newspapers and call Buhari an idiot.Insist that Goodluck Jonathan should not only run for re-election unopposed in 2015, there should be a constitutional amendment to make him a life-president. 
This is a tell-tale sign that you are hungry; and the powers-that-be will soon invite you to “come and chop.”As a distinguished member of this great party, the opportunities open for you to set yourself up for life are considerable. For example, you can start collecting billions for petroleum subsidy and simply not import any petrol whatsoever. 
You can get the government to change all car license-plates nationwide; and then become the sole supplier of the new license-plates.
You can ask the president to make you the sole importer and distributor of diesel for the entire country.  Of course, this might also entail that you become the chairman of his re-election campaign, to which you duly make a handsome contribution. 
Alternatively, you can ask to be chairman of the Nigerian Ports Authority.
Nobody will bat an eyelid when, within a matter of months, you have a fleet of cars, have two or three houses in Asokoro, and own four hotels in Dubai.You may even kick out your wife and marry a fourteen-year-old “Suzie” befitting your new status. 
You have arrived as one of Nigeria’s celebrated rich men. 
But keep your eyes on the ball. 
Don’t get distracted or carried away.  The enemies of Mr. President must always remain your enemies.

Start a mega-church.

This one is pure genius. 
Peradventure you lose your job or fall on hard times. 
Don’t go into depression. 
Just start a church. 
Make it a purpose-built church. 
Think of something that men need. 
Tell them you have the anointing to provide it. 
Tell them whoever wants to be a billionaire should come to your church.  Start a few of your messages with “Thus says the Lord.”  Then teach your congregation the everlasting principles of sowing and reaping.
Make sure they understand that if they really want God to bless them financially, they first have to give you as much money as possible. 
Create a special prayer group for millionaires and billionaires. 
That way, if they get any new government contract they will attribute it to the efficacy of your prayers and credit something big into your bank account. 
Tell everybody to give you their “first-fruits.”That is a code word for their entire January salaries. 
Then come up with imaginative offerings to collect, such as “prophet’s offering,” (you, of course, being the prophet); “Father, Son and Holy Ghost offerings;” “Jesus will do it offering.”Very soon, you will be flying your own private jet to preach your gospel in Ilesha; you will be wearing white Armani suits and jerry-curling your hair; you will be collecting gate-fees for new years’ eve services; billionaire thieves and robbers will be queuing up to see your private-secretary on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway. 
In short, you will be living large. 
For good measure, you will also be slapping demons out of poor  bewitched damsels with impunity.

Become a mule.

There is high demand for this job.  There are many politicians and men of timber and caliber looking for mules; men who can keep stolen money for them, or smuggle it to safe havens abroad. 
This is a highly lucrative job because for every ten billion naira you smuggle, you can pocket one billion. 
Don’t get greedy and come to the conclusion that you can make off with the entire loot.
That is a sure way to have assassins on your tail. 
Before they kill you, they will first break your legs. 
If you are caught while smuggling money abroad, you can easily escape and come back home dressed as a woman. 
Then you can get a national merit award.If you are a mule for a president or a governor, you are set up for life.  You will get 24 hours military protection so that no petty thief can come near you. 
You will get to travel all over the world.  You will get free medical check-ups, so that you don’t just fall down one day and die.
That would be disastrous, especially if your sponsor does not know exactly where you kept his loot, or if he does not have the password to the secret account you opened for it in the Bahamas in the name of Ali Baba.

I remember the story of a former Nigerian Head of State who allegedly kept a billion dollars with a mule. 
Then the mule had a stroke. 
Every effort was made to get him to say just a few words, namely the number of the account where the loot was stashed; but to no avail.
After a few months, the man died. 
This “national” calamity has prompted the review of the conditions of service of mules. 
There are now two new, strictly prohibited, clauses. 
Mules must not have strokes, and under no circumstances should a mule presume to die. 
If he does, his generations yet unborn will suffer for it.

(P.S./N.B. If you have perfected other Nigerian approaches to quick wealth than these, don’t hesitate to let me know.  I promise to keep the matter strictly confidential.)   

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Eight years on: Post-war optimism in Liberia.

Post war Liberia discussion will always be  something of interest to anyone who lived in Liberia after the war.
I did; and still have friends there.

This interview given by Akwansi Aninakwah, Country Manager of DHL Liberia caught my attention immediately I saw it and happy to see that the country has maintained the positive growth as well as peace since the war ended.

I have not been back to the country since I relocated from there in 2008, even though I look forward to returning one of these days to see things for myself and hook with with old friends and revel in the sunshine, beaches and nightlife!

Happy reading.

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Crazy Isreali Ministers.

Israel’s economy is in a bad way, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over the world.
Problems, problems, problems, but what should they do?
So the Israeli government holds a special session to come up with a solution.

After several hours of talk without progress one member, Yitzhak, stands up and says, “Quiet everyone, I’ve got it, I’ve got the solution to all our problems. We’ll declare war on the United States of America.”

Everyone starts shouting at once, “You’re nuts! That’s crazy!”

“Hear me out!” says Yitzhak. “We declare war. We lose. The United States does what she always does when she defeats a country. She rebuilds everything; our highways, airports, shipping ports, schools, hospitals, factories, and loans us money, and sends us food aid. Our problems would be over.”

“Sure,” says Benny, another minister, “And what if we win?”


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Is Nigeria a perfect Mumudom? – by Okey Ndibe.

The masked phenomenon known simply as Lagbaja is one of the few Nigerian musicians whose art is inspired by the late Fela Anikulapo-Kuti.

In keeping with the Felaian spirit, Lagbaja’s act and art combine prodigious, heart-thumping entertainment with a political message that, at its eloquent best, has the powerful effect of summing up the Nigerian “condition.” Fela, for example, flung the word “zombie” in our faces.

In the heydays of military rule, when our uniformed men exhibited the complex of mini, mindless gods – flinging the lash at hapless civilians or shooting at the slightest provocation – Fela’s term captured that syndrome of senseless, rampaging power. The way Fela deployed the word was deeply penetrating. “Zombie” entered Nigerians’ social lexicon, a handy word for all battered or potentially battered subjects of military despotism.

The word entrenched itself as the most natural way to describe the military honchos who ruled (and ruined) us. It also described the antics of the uniformed minions who – forgetting that they were victims of misrule – seemed ever willing to keep the rest of us in line, to still voices of dissent, to serve any regime with rabid, ferocious efficiency.

Fela also gave us “ITT,” deconstructing the name of an international telecommunications corporation headed by the late Moshood Kashimawo Abiola to yield a new term: “International Thief Thief.” His song, “Beast of No Nation,” proclaimed the collective bastardry of the Nigerian society just as his “Overtake Don Overtake Overtake” (ODOO) is a shorthand for anomie.

Today, it is Lagbaja, I suggest, who has offered us the handiest name for our collective malady. In a recent song that should become as much an anthem as Fela’s “Zombie,” Lagbaja famously calls Nigerians 200 million mumu. The word mumu is a quintessentially Nigerian word, its rich inflections and negative connotations derived from its pedigree. It translates (rather prosaically) as a fool, a buffoon, a person susceptible to scams and other forms of trickery. In the lyrics, Lagbaja names some of the big men who have shaped – that is to say, misshaped – Nigeria: Ibrahim Babangida, Sani Abacha, and Olusegun Obasanjo.

But there’s an unusual, jolting twist in the song. As the listener settles to it, expecting to hear the familiar “yabis” – words of insults usually lobbed at the country’s past and present misrulers – Lagbaja turns his barbed tongue on the so-called “ordinary” Nigerian, the “followers.” In his worldview, all Nigerians are part and parcel of the fabric of corruption and oppression that the unfortunate among us bemoan. In Chinua Achebe’s fourth novel, A Man of the People, one of the characters earns a chilly, censorious look when he teases the ill-educated, prototypically corrupt politician, Chief M.A. Nanga, with an old joke: “MA, minus opportunity.”

Lagbaja uses a similar linguistic move on all of us. Nigerians, all of us, are corrupt – he seems to say – minus opportunity. At any rate, Lagbaja sees the lot us as mumu, collaborators in our own oppression and debasement, architects of our collective misfortune. At first glance, Lagbaja’s would appear to be a harsh, excessive and even misplaced indictment.

But it’s hard to deny that there’s a vital sense in which the musician is right on target. In fact, it’s impossible to undertake any retrospective of events in Nigeria without coming to the conclusion that too many Nigerians act as fertilizers for the malaise that plagues and wrecks their lives. Let’s take some of the recent events from the past week or two.

We’ve watched – some riveted with peculiar glee – as politicians from Rivers State darted onto the stage to offer us a veritable theater of the absurd. In an act of particular impunity, four or five members of the state assembly attempted to stage a spurious impeachment of the speaker and to replace him with one of their number.

Backed by powerful politicians in Abuja. These legislative renegades were prepared to act on the proposition that they outnumbered 27 or so other lawmakers loyal to the speaker they sought to remove. A physical fight ensued to settle this sordid, “political” arithmetic.

In the melee, one legislator seized a make-shift mace imported by the Abuja-backed renegades and used it to batter a colleague, Michael Chinda – a member of the Abuja Collective. Numerous videos of the fracas have gone viral on youtube. In them, we see so-called lawmakers who should have been on Nigeria’s boxing team at the London Olympics.

We see the police at their inefficient worst, unable to control a rowdy gathering of thuggish legislators and their hired thugs. We see one of the lawmakers ready to kill or die because the state governor, Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi, had insulted his “mother,” , aka (the fuming pugilist’s) “Jesus Christ on earth.”

I wrote a few weeks ago that there was no substantive principle at play in the political crisis in Rivers State – or in any location in Nigeria, for that matter. It’s all a game about who gets to steal the most from the commonwealth and who gets to rape the people. Neither faction in the dispute is actuated by the public good.

Power, the acquisition of raw power for self-aggrandizement, is the governing motivation. If the First Lady now functions as divinity, a “Jesus Christ on earth,” then her husband, who fancies himself a “transformational leader,” must occupy a special seat in any gathering of leaders, dwarfing such figures as Barack Obama, David Cameron, Angela Merkel, and Paul Kagame.

Yet, the terribly injured Chinda could find no hospital within the precincts redeemed by Mrs. Jonathan and transformed by her husband for treatment. Instead, it was to Mr. Cameron’s Britain that the battered Chinda was flown for urgent surgery.

Here’s a safe bet: Mr. Chinda is not spending a penny of his money to pay his bills at the Bupa Cromwell Hospital in Britain. There’s a chance that the hospital demanded and received full payment before commencing treatment. At any rate, those bills will be paid with public funds, most likely provided by his sponsors in Abuja.

The arrangement makes a mumu of all of us, who accept this daylight abuse of public resources. Nigerian lawmakers, state as well as national, are paid obscene sums of money. Yet, they hardly ever use the instrument of the law to address the crises that menace the lives of Nigerians – including a non-existent healthcare system. Instead, they gallivant, carouse, undertake meaningless jamborees in Nigeria and abroad, and – when it suits them – take to boxing.

They hardly work, but when they fall sick, they travel to such addresses as Britain, Germany, South Africa and India where people work hard and use their brain power.

As if Chinda’s transfer to a British hospital was not wasteful enough, last week a group of his backers, including a junior minister, Nyesom Wike, flew to London to commiserate with him. The odds are excellent that the government in Abuja paid for the flight tickets and hotel accommodation of the five or so well-wishers – to say nothing of spending cash. Mr. Wike and his team must not know how ludicrous they appear to their British hosts; they have no idea how the British would use them as the butt of jokes: Here are these Africans who have too much money but not a bit of sense to do anything for themselves! It’s an altogether awful picture.

I doubt that Mr. Chinda has sponsored a single bill that improved the lives of the people of Rivers State by a jot. Instead, he lent himself as a stooge to carry out the designs of those in power in Abuja, determined to lay waste to his state.

He is injured serving this despicable agenda. And then Nigerians, including the hapless people of his home state, must pay the tab for his treatment in London.

A statement released by Mr. Wike’s team underscored the ridiculousness of it all. It began: “Prominent leaders of Rivers State from across political and professional divides on Saturday, visited the member representing Obio/Akpor State Constituency 2 at the Bupa Cromwell Hospital in London, United Kingdom, where the legislator is recuperating from head and jaw surgeries carried out on him by medical experts in the health facility.”

Then it stated that “the leaders were grateful to God for the survival of Hon. Michael Chinda despite the vicious knocks he received from the mace-wielding Majority Leader of the Rivers State House of Assembly, Mr. Chidi Lloyd.” These are “leaders”? That we permit such clowns to pollute our lives makes us 200 million mumu inhabiting a perfect mumudom!

TheHerald Admin on July 23, 2013

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