Reporting a Crime

A cop calls the Crime Branch on telephone.

Hello! Crime Branch?

Yes! This is Sergeant John.

Cop: Sir, We have a case here.
A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.

Sergeant: Have you arrested the woman?

Cop: No sir. The floor is still wet!
– SantaBanta

Posted by Damian

The bank robbery!!!

During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: “Don’t move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you.”

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called “Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: “Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!”

This is called “Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): “Big brother, let’s count how much we got.”

The older robber rebutted and said: “You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!”

This is called “Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: “Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called “Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: “It will be good if there is a robbery every month.” 

This is called “Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: “We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!”

This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!”

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.

This is called “Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!

So who are the real robbers here?

Source – Leo Nzeduru on Facebook!

Posted by Damian

The Porsche driver & the policeman!!!

A senior citizen drove his brand new Porche to 100 kmph, looking in his rear view mirror , he saw a police car behind him.
He floored it to 140 , then 150 …then 170 …
Suddenly, he thought,  I’m too old for this nonsense! 
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him .

The officer walked up to him , looked at his watch and said,
”Sir , my shift ends in tennonsense, today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend,
If you can give me a reason that I’ve never heard before for why you were speeding , I’ll let you go ”

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied,
”Years ago , my wife ran off wid a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back , ”

The Cop left saying ”Have a good day, Sir”.
What a smart old folk!

Posted by Damian

The honest wife!

A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer. The following exchange took place.

The man says, “What’s the problem, officer?”

Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.”

Man: “No sir, I was going 65.”

Wife: “Oh, Dick you were going 80.” (The man gave his wife a dirty look.)

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight. ”

Man: “Broken taillight? I didn’t know about a broken taillight!”

Wife: “Oh Dick, you’ve known about that taillight for weeks.” (The man gave his wife another dirty look.)

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.”

Man: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.”

Wife: “Oh Dick, you never wear your seat belt.”

The man turned to his wife and yelled, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH!”

The officer turned to the woman and asked, “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”

The wife said, “No, only when he’s drunk!”

What would you do to your wife if you were Dick?

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Police Recruitment!

The local police force was looking for recruits, so Dick went in to try for the job.
‘OK,’ the sergeant asked, ‘Dick, what is one and one?’.
‘Eleven,’ he replied. The sergeant thought to himself, that’s not what I meant, but he is right.
‘What two days of the week start with the letter T?’ ‘Today and tomorrow.’
The sergeant was again surprised that Dick supplied a correct answer that he has never thought of himself.
‘Now, Dick, listen carefully.
Who killed President Kennedy?’
Dick looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, ‘I don’t know.’ ‘Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?’
So Dick wandered over to the pub where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
Dick was exultant. ‘It went great! First day on the job and i’m already working on a murder case!’
Now do you still wonder why we are where we are?