As the end of the day drew near…

As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired assistant into his office.
“Do you know what time we quit around here?” he asked.
“Sure! ” the girl nervously giggled. “Whenever somebody knocks on the door.”
Hahaha hahaha – women!!!

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George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard!!!

Appear to Work Late.
Always leave the office late,especially when the boss is still around.
You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving.
Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out.
Send important emails at unearthly hours (e. g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc…) and during public holidays!
Do not say you read this here! Lol.

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Always Give 100% at Work!!! Lol.

Always give 100% at work…
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
And remember…
When you’re having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off.
Now get back to work or whatever you were doing!

Source – Unknown.

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Wrong Interpretation!

An old nun was offended by the foul language of the workers at a construction site next door to the convent.

She then decided to help them change their ways.

She packed a sack lunch and walked over to where the men were having their lunch.

She smiled broadly and asked, “Do you men know Jesus Christ?” they shook their heads and one steelworker yelled overhead, “Anybody here know Jesus Christ?

From above, a voice yelled back down, “Why?” And the first steelworker answered, “His wife’s here with his lunch!”

– Chux Iwuh

Crazy Isreali Ministers.

Israel’s economy is in a bad way, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over the world.
Problems, problems, problems, but what should they do?
So the Israeli government holds a special session to come up with a solution.

After several hours of talk without progress one member, Yitzhak, stands up and says, “Quiet everyone, I’ve got it, I’ve got the solution to all our problems. We’ll declare war on the United States of America.”

Everyone starts shouting at once, “You’re nuts! That’s crazy!”

“Hear me out!” says Yitzhak. “We declare war. We lose. The United States does what she always does when she defeats a country. She rebuilds everything; our highways, airports, shipping ports, schools, hospitals, factories, and loans us money, and sends us food aid. Our problems would be over.”

“Sure,” says Benny, another minister, “And what if we win?”


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The Indian With One Testicle!

There once was an Indian who had only one testicleand whose given name was ‘Onestone’.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said, ‘If anyone calls me Onestone
again, I will kill them!’
The word got around and nobody called 
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’
Hejumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day, 
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what 
he promised he would do.
Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until a woman  
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away. Yellow Bird, who was BlueBird’s cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him
and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone.’
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,  
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, but YellowBird wouldn’t die!
Why ???
OH, come on ….. take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You’re going to love this !!!
Everyone knows..
You can’t kill Two Birds
with OneStone !!!